Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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