I'm really into asian looking animals
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize