when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
