the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
