Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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