Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
