He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
