Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
