He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
