dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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