I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
