so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
