If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Shame is for Republicans.
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