My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
