Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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