Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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