We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
