At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize