textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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