Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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