if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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