I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
