u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
