So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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