i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
