it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
