she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
