Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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