U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
