why didn't you poke me back
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
