also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
