Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
