Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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