that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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