you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
