Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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