i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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