Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
