why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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