a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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