he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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