can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
