you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize