Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
