I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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