You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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