I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
