There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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