I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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