I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
