So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
