ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
