he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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