i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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