This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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