I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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