I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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