okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
