I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize