he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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