you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
