So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
