I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
