you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
