I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
