how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
