the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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