i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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