im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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