Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
