Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
