wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize