she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
