I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
