You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
