anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
