Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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