when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
