I wish I could punch you in the face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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