This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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