Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
