Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
