A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
