Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
